This Morning with Richard and Judy – Clobbered by the Bible
In this Digital Content Creation Project, I have outline the concept and I have spent today turning the concept into a series of short scripts which I hope to record as short TikTok (or TikTok style) videos over the next week or two. The script will likely evolve but what follows below will give a flavour of what I hope to create during the course of this project. For me, the biggest challenge will be the videoing part – I was a homespun look as outlines in my previous post on this subject but I’d like to be able to competent videos which include most – if not all of the elements – I have described below.
‘This Morning with Richard and Judy’ – Clobbered by the Bible
Episode 1 – Intro: “Welcome to This Morning – Clobbered by the Bible”
Goal: Set up the storyline, tone, and “image of God” message.
[TITLE ON SCREEN]
THIS MORNING – Clobbered by the Bible with Richard and Judy
Images: Created with Google Gemini (prompt: Create a title page for a parody TV show which is light, fun and takes the mickey from daytime TV shows. The programme is to be called ‘This Morning – Clobbered by the Bible’ and subtitle ‘with Richard and Judy’)
RICHARD: (cheerful, a bit smug)
“Good morning, and welcome to This Morning,
the only daytime show brave enough to ask:
has the Church been reading the Bible upside down
for the last few centuries?”
CUT TO: JUDY
(soft jumper, mug of tea, amused)
“And more importantly, Richard,
if it has,
can we all just calm down,
apologise to the gays,
and get on with arranging the flowers?”
RICHARD
“Over the next few episodes,
we’ll be looking at the Bible’s so‑called ‘clobber verses’
little snippets of scripture
that have been used to justify some truly impressive homophobia
for something that turns out to be…
a translation error.”
JUDY
“It’s a bit like discovering your gran cut you out of the will
because she misread the instructions on a B&Q flatpack garden set.”
RICHARD
“Each time, we’ll read the verse,
we’ll show you how it’s been twisted,
and then we’ll pop it back in its original context,
like a lost sock
or a bishop who’s wandered into the twenty‑first century.”
JUDY
“And underneath all the Greek, the Hebrew,
and the frankly dodgy committee decisions,
there’s a very simple message:
you are made in the image of God.
You. As you are.
Not once you’ve passed a parish sexuality inspection.”
JUDY – TO CAMERA
“So if you’re queer, trans, non‑binary,
or just very tired of watching straight people argue about your existence,
make yourself a cuppa,
and stay tuned.”
RICHARD
“Coming up after the break:
Sodom and Gomorrah.
Was it really about the gays,
or just the world’s worst Airbnb review?”
BOTH(?)
“Tune in again for episode 2 of … This Morning – Clobbered by the Bible when we’ll look at the worst neighbours in the bible”
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
“YOU ARE MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD.”
Episode 2 – Genesis 19: “The Worst Neighbours in the Bible”
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
GENESIS 19 – SODOM & GOMORRAH
RICHARD
“Today on This Morning we’re asking:
did God destroy a city because of the gays?
or because everyone there was a violent, abusive prat?”
JUDY
(serious “Bible reading” voice)
“Our verse is from Genesis 19:
‘The men of the city… surrounded the house … and said,
“Bring them out to us, so that we may know them.”’
And by ‘know’, Richard,
they don’t mean ‘share a cheese board’.”
RICHARD
“For years, in the church, LGBTQ+ people have been told that
this sexual violence is no different to ,
‘Two men holding hands outside Tesco’s
and that will bring down the wrath of God. Upon them’”
JUDY
“And yet the biblical commentary is very clear:
the real issue here is violence,
inhospitality,
the joy of humiliating strangers.
It’s less Pride parade,
more stag do gone to hell.”
RICHARD
“Other parts of the Bible list Sodom’s sins as arrogance,
ignoring the poor,
and general moral bankruptcy.
A bit like a certain corner of Christian social media.”
JUDY – TO CAMERA
“If anyone’s ever called you ‘Sodom’ because you’re queer,
remember:
you are not the villain in this story.
The villain is the mob at the door—
not the guests inside the house.”
RICHARD
“You, my love,
are made in the image of God.
The mob are just badly behaved extras.”
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
“SODOM’S SIN: VIOLENCE, NOT QUEERNESS.”
Episode 3 – Leviticus 18:22: “Live, Laugh, Leviticus”
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
LEVITICUS 18:22 – LIVE, LAUGH, LEVITICUS
RICHARD
“Coming up now: Leviticus.
Is it eternal moral law,
or the spiritual equivalent of clicking ‘accept cookies’
without reading anything?”
JUDY
(reading)
“Leviticus 18:22:
‘You shall not lie with a male as with a woman;
it is an abomination.’
Strong words.
Almost as strong as the polyester‑cotton blend
in the vicar’s cassock.”
RICHARD
“This one verse has been used to justify
conversion therapy,
youth talks so awkward they should be illegal,
and a thousand badly written church leaflets.”
JUDY
“And yet the same people are absolutely fine
with prawn cocktails,
mixed fibres,
and shaving their beards into the shape of a theological mistake.”
RICHARD
“The word ‘abomination’ here is toʿevah—
a ritual taboo for a specific ancient community,
living next to some very colourful cult practices.
It does not mean
‘you, personally, are disgusting forever.’”
JUDY
“This isn’t God sending a hate‑letter to your sexuality.
It’s an ancient people sorting out their worship life
in a very messy neighbourhood.”
JUDY – TO CAMERA (warm)
“If someone has waved this verse at you
like a divine eviction notice,
hear this instead:
you are not an abomination.
You are a beloved image‑bearer
who happens to be allergic to bad theology.”
RICHARD
“If we’re banning anything,
let it be weaponised scripture
and beige buffet food.
The gays can stay.”
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
“ABOMINATION ≠ YOU.”
The End
Episode 4 – Leviticus 20:13: “Everybody Dies (Apparently)”
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
LEVITICUS 20:13 – EVERYBODY DIES
RICHARD
“Today’s question:
Leviticus 20 – timeless moral code,
or an early draft of Midsomer Murders?”
JUDY
(reading)
“Leviticus 20:13:
‘If a man lies with a male as with a woman,
both of them have committed an abomination;
they shall be put to death.’
Also up for execution in this chapter:
adulterers,
cheeky teenagers,
and anyone who’s ever sworn at their mum.”
RICHARD
“Funny how modern Christians
don’t actually fancy stoning their stroppy fourteen‑year‑olds,
but are very keen
to keep this one handy for queer people.”
JUDY
“If we enforced this chapter literally,
half the parish would be wiped out
before we even got to Easter.”
RICHARD
“These are civil penalties for an ancient theocracy.
Christians don’t follow them literally.
We don’t stone people,
we don’t burn people,
and we only sacrifice goats
if it’s for a curry.”
JUDY
“So dragging one death‑penalty verse out of the pile
and bolting it to modern queer lives
isn’t ‘being biblical’.
It’s being cruel.”
JUDY – TO CAMERA
“If someone has ever threatened you with this verse,
that’s about their fear,
not God’s character.”
RICHARD
“You are not on God’s list of things to get rid of.
You are on God’s list of things
that look like God.”
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
“DEATH PENALTY: RETIRED. IMAGE OF GOD: STILL IN FORCE.”
The End
Episode 5 – Romans 1:26–27: “A Brief City Break in Ancient Rome”
Opening Pic
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
ROMANS 1:26–27 – CITY BREAK
JUDY
“Pack your bags
we’re off to ancient Rome.
Land of bathhouses, dodgy emperors,
and absolutely zero concept of sexual orientation.”
RICHARD
(reading)
“Romans 1:26–27:
‘Their women exchanged natural intercourse for unnatural,
and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women
and were consumed with passion for one another…’
Sounds ominous,
if you ignore the entire paragraph around it.”
JUDY
“This passage has been preached as
‘Why your bisexual cousin is definitely going to hell,’
despite involving precisely zero lesbians with Netflix accounts.”
RICHARD
“Paul is talking about people
swapping the worship of God
for a sort of imperial‑religious orgy
with built‑in slavery.”
JUDY
“Sex in that world was about power, status,
and using other people’s bodies like furniture
not two queer people arguing over whose turn it is to buy milk.”
RICHARD
“‘Against nature’ here means
‘against their own cultural norms’,
not ‘against your DNA’.”
JUDY – TO CAMERA
“If you’re in a loving, consenting queer relationship,
you are not the thing Paul is warning about here.”
RICHARD
“Frankly, the people Paul would have a word with
are those still using his name
to bully teenagers off church pews.”
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
“ROMANS 1: AGAINST ABUSE, NOT YOUR LOVE.”
Episode 6 – 1 Corinthians 6:9–10: “Translation Drama”
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
1 CORINTHIANS 6 – TRANSLATION DRAMA
RICHARD
“Tonight on This Morning:
two weird Greek words,
one mistranslation,
and a whole lot of unnecessary misery.”
JUDY
(reading)
“1 Corinthians 6:
‘…neither the immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers,
nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders…’
At least, that’s how some Bibles put it.”
RICHARD
“Here, ‘homosexuals’ has been parachuted into the text
like a badly trained theology intern.”
JUDY
“The actual Greek words are ‘malakoi’ and ‘arsenokoitai’—
which we have cheerfully turned into
‘All LGBTQ+ People, Please Do Not Inherit The Kingdom’.”
RICHARD
“‘Malakoi’ literally means ‘soft’
sometimes a general insult,
sometimes used for pretty boys kept by rich men.”
JUDY
“‘Arsenokoitai’ turns up almost nowhere else,
and seems to be about exploiters and abusers,
not your girlfriend who likes good knitwear.”
RICHARD
“Some translation committees looked at all that nuance and said,
‘No thanks, let’s just lob “homosexuals” in there
and see how many lives we can ruin before lunch.’”
JUDY – TO CAMERA
“If you’ve been told this verse is God’s final word on your identity,
hear this instead:
you are not a mistranslation.
You are a whole, beautiful image of God.”
RICHARD
“The real drama isn’t you coming out.
It’s the Church refusing to come out
of bad translation.”
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
“YOU ARE NOT A MISTRANSLATION.”
Episode 7 – 1 Timothy 1:9–10: “Vice List Bingo”
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
1 TIMOTHY 1 – VICE LIST BINGO
JUDY
“And finally, a game of Vice List Bingo:
murderers, slave traders, perjurers…
and, apparently, you for fancying your own gender.”
RICHARD
(reading)
“1 Timothy 1:
‘…for the lawless and disobedient,
for the ungodly and sinners,
for the unholy and profane,
for those who kill their father or mother,
for murderers, fornicators, sodomites,
slave traders, liars, perjurers…’
and so on.”
JUDY
“Some modern translations have helpfully updated ‘sodomites’
to ‘those who practice homosexuality’
because why not stuff us in between slave traders and liars,
for balance.”
RICHARD
“Once again, that odd word ‘arsenokoitai’
has been turned into
‘Everyone who doesn’t fit my 1950s gender expectations.’”
JUDY
“The likely target here is exploiters, abusers,
people who use others’ bodies like property,
not your non‑binary neighbour
trying to survive family lunch.”
RICHARD
“If that’s not you,
this list is not about you.”
JUDY – TO CAMERA
“So when Auntie so‑and‑so waves this verse at you over Sunday roast,
remember:
the Bible is not her personal weapon.”
RICHARD
“You are not on God’s blacklist.
You are the spitting image of God
you’re just unfortunately related to Auntie so‑and‑so.”
[ON SCREEN TEXT]
“IMAGE OF GOD > AUNTIE’S VICE LIST.”
References used in creating the scripts:
(All accessed using Google and not in actual copies of the books referred to):
- Brownson, James V. Bible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2013.
- Vines, Matthew. God and the Gay Christian. New York: Convergent Books, 2014.
- Gushee, David P. Changing Our Mind. Canton, MI: Read the Spirit Books, 2014 (rev. eds. later).
- Gagnon, Robert A. J. The Bible and Homosexual Practice: Texts and Hermeneutics. Nashville: Abingdon, 2001. (Often engaged as the conservative foil.)
- Boswell, John. Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1980.
- Gagnon, Robert A. J. “Why the ‘Heterosexual Orientation’ Interpretation of Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13 Cannot Stand.” (Article often cited and critiqued in queer‑affirming work.)
- Furnish, Victor Paul. “The Bible and Homosexuality: Reading the Texts in Context.” In The Moral Teaching of Paul, 2nd ed. Nashville: Abingdon, 1985.
- Ed Oxford & Kathy Baldock’s research (associated with the documentary “1946: The Mistranslation That Shifted Culture”).
- Helminiak, Daniel A. What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality. Alamo Square Press, 2000.
- Cheng, Patrick S. Radical Love: An Introduction to Queer Theology. New York: Seabury, 2011.
- Also the Bible in various editions via Biblegateway.com
- Google Gemini has created the images used in this post
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