Welcome to The Old Times. Nick is a Digital Media Production Student at Anglia Ruskin University, Cambridge.
He is a retired HR Practitioner (DEI and Communication Specialist) and is an Authorised Lay Minister in the Church of England (since 2009).
Creating The Victorian Smart Bike has been on my mind for a few months now – since receiving the brief back in January 2026. But bicycles themselves are never far from my thoughts as I have always loved them. I’m definitely not the typically wiry cyclist but have loved each of my bicycles as I have pedalled through life and noticed when I looked back at my camera roll that I spend a lot of time taking photos of them too. Below is a sample of the various bikes I have snapped and screenshotted over the years – interestingly the person pictured in the montage at 11 seconds is my grandfather, Jack Gellatly, pictured proudly on his bike around 1933 when the idea of a safety bicycle was still less than fifty years old.
I began to research the subject and stored my research materials in Notebook LM – which Matt taught us about last semester. It is a research marvel and enables me to read, store and interrogate information in a way I’d have thought unthinkable just a few months ago.
I created the first images of The Victorian Smart on Midjourney which gave me the rather quirky bikes which you see above. My plan was to create something a little more practical that could be seen as actually existing in the world but I wanted to place my design in the future and quickly settled on 2085 which would see the 200th anniversary of Starley’s Rover Safety Bicycle and I have broadly stuck with that principle throughout the project as you will see from previous posts on this blog.
The next visual images were created with Google Gemini and much more closely aligned with my vision for The Victorian and I also made a couple of animated videos with the same tool at this point. The first is a ‘Virtual’ Tadej Pogacar:
Virtual Tadej Pogacar tries out The Victorian Smart Bike.
And the second was a 2085 Champs Elysee with a peloton of Victorian Smart Bikes setting off on a race:
The Victorian Smart Bike dominates the 2085 peloton au Champs Elysee
I followed up with a trip to the V&A Museum and then The Science Museum to embrace both the Victorian era – and Queen Victoria herself – to get ideas and inspiration for the project as this short ‘tourist’ video will show – it also includes at the end some shorts of class work which reinforced my belief that old technology is not necessarily obsolete and can be reimagined for the modern – and indeed future – age. The bells you will here are from Holy Trinity Brompton – close to the home of one of the most iconic bicycles of the 20th and 21st Centuries.
From Brompton to The Victorian at the V&A and Science Museums
This led to a dreadful attempt at acting for an early iteration of my presentation idea. I am attempting to sound like a Victorian of 118 years old here and explain the involvement of Tadej Pogacar …
I wanted to create a user manual but soon realised I would vastly exceed the required presentation length but drew much pleasure from the creative process. In the end, I only began writing one chapter of the manual itself:
This led, finally to bringing all my thoughts together to create a PowerPoint presentation which I intended to deliver in class on Friday 17th April.
However, at 24 minutes I felt this version was still too long and decided to review the content, reduce the script and work on a shorter version which I will add to the next post.
The VICTORIAN Smart Bike – Getting this Show on the Road
8th April 2026
Populating the Slides with Images
Prologue
Card 1: Rover Safety Bicycle, Coventry, 1885Source: Wikimedia Commons — free to use Search: “Rover Safety Bicycle 1885 Wikimedia” Direct URL: commons.wikimedia.org — search “Rover Safety Bicycle” You want the side-on studio photograph of the original Rover, showing the diamond frame and chain drive clearly. Black and white or sepia. Crop to landscape to fit the card.
Card 2: Empty Coventry street, car eraSource: Wikimedia Commons or Getty Images archive Search Wikimedia for “Coventry street 1960s” or “British high street 1970s cars” You want a wide street dominated by parked or moving cars, few or no cyclists visible. Conveys the eclipse era. Black and white preferred.
Card 3: Rebuilt cycling city, 2041+Create with Adobe Firefly or Midjourney Prompt: “A wide European city boulevard in 2050, protected cycling lanes filled with cyclists, no cars, art nouveau architecture, warm golden afternoon light, photorealistic” You want greenery, space, people, optimism. No dystopia.
Card 4: Great Cycling Renaissance, 2067Create with Adobe Firefly or Midjourney Prompt: “A joyful mass cycling celebration in a reimagined Coventry city centre 2067, thousands of cyclists, brass and mahogany vintage-futurist bicycles, confetti, golden hour light, photorealistic”
Chapter 1: Welcome
Hero image: The Victorian in a 2085 city streetCreate with Adobe Firefly — this is your most important image Prompt: “A strikingly beautiful smart bicycle with a mahogany and brass frame, bioluminescent spoke lighting, Victorian ornamental detailing, leaning against a stone wall in a clean 2085 European city street, soft morning light, photorealistic, product photography style”
This image should feel like a luxury product photograph — the bike as the undisputed hero, beautifully lit, with just enough 2085 context in the background to place it in time. Think Vogue meets patent drawing. Get this one right — it is the face of the whole project.
Detail image: Brass handlebar engravingCreate with Adobe Firefly Prompt: “Extreme close-up of ornate brass bicycle handlebars with Victorian-style engraving, quantum circuit patterns embedded within art nouveau floral motifs, warm golden light, macro photography, shallow depth of field”
Chapter 2: Setup (five step photos)
All five should feel like a coherent set — same warm parchment-toned colour grade, same intimate scale.
Step 1 — Neural InterfaceCreate with Adobe Firefly Prompt: “Hands resting on ornate brass bicycle handlebars, warm golden glow emanating from the wood grain, top-down view, intimate and calm, photorealistic”
Step 2 — Saddle CalibrationCreate with Adobe Firefly Prompt: “A person seated still on a beautifully crafted mahogany bicycle saddle, side view, soft warm light, the saddle surface has a subtle organic texture, calm and meditative mood”
Step 3 — Family ProfilesCreate with Adobe Firefly Prompt: “Two hands clasped together while one grips a brass bicycle handlebar, warm light, close-up, intimate and tender, parchment tones”
Step 4 — Quantum CompassCreate with Adobe Firefly Prompt: “An ornate brass pocket compass being held against a bicycle handlebar, Victorian styling, soft glowing light, close-up product photography”
Step 5 — First RideCreate with Adobe Firefly Prompt: “A mahogany and brass Victorian-aesthetic bicycle glowing softly in early morning sunlight on an empty city street, spokes lit with bioluminescent light, ready to ride, photorealistic”
Chapter 3: Engineering (four system images)
Quantum Routing diagramCreate in Canva or Adobe Illustrator A radial wheel diagram. Centre circle labelled “Your Journey.” Seven spokes radiating outward, each labelled: Emotional State / Cellular Health / Weather / Air Quality / Gradient / Family Sync / Desire for Beauty. Use the project’s parchment, rust and brass palette. This is an infographic, not a photograph. Parchment and Victorian aesthetic.
I experimented with Canva, Adobe Illustrator and Adobe Firefly for this image but I felt that Firefly gave the best results in keeping with the theme of the project.
Canva:
Adobe Illustrator:
Firefly:
Empathy Saddle — biorhythm visualisationCreate with Adobe Firefly or in Canva Prompt: “An abstract data visualisation of synchronised heartbeats and biorhythms shown as flowing golden waves on a dark parchment background, organic and beautiful, no text” Or create in Canva as a simple overlapping wave graphic — three coloured waveforms gradually synchronising left to right.
Atmospheric Array diagramCreate with Adobe Firefly Prompt: “A close-up of a bicycle wheel with crystalline solar-array spokes glowing with soft cyan-gold light, abstract energy lines radiating outward toward a city skyline, photorealistic, dark background”
SVN (Social Velocipede Network) Emotional Weather MapCreate in Canva A simplified city map (you can use an abstract grid) with colour-coded zones — golden patches where riders are contributing positive emotional weather, cooler tones elsewhere. Add small bicycle icons at key points. Keep it minimal and beautiful rather than data-heavy.
I even managed to work out how to use aspect ratios! This course has been such a revelation to me – while I recognise that for so many others my work is pretty rudimentary, if you’d asked me in September what I’d be able to achieve, I would not have thought these things would have been possible.
These three must be clearly the same bicycle in three different states. Generate all three in the same tool with consistent framing.
The Victorian Smart Bicycle with the parchment and Victorian aesthetic using source image for inspiration
Joyful state — golden flourishesAdobe Firefly Prompt: “A Victorian-aesthetic smart bicycle frame with mahogany wood grain displaying flowing golden flourishes and warm amber bioluminescence, dark studio background, dramatic product photography”
Contemplative state — deep walnut, slow grainAdobe Firefly Prompt: “A Victorian-aesthetic smart bicycle frame in deep walnut tones, slow pulsing dark grain pattern, cool muted lighting, meditative mood, dark studio background, product photography”
Flow state — bioluminescent pulseAdobe Firefly Prompt: “A Victorian-aesthetic smart bicycle frame glowing with vibrant cyan-green bioluminescence, pulsing light along the frame tubes, dark studio background, dramatic and energetic, product photography”
Chapter 5: Family
Victorian Tapestry — family riding configurations This is the most distinctive image in the deck. Two options:
Adobe Firefly: Prompt: “A William Morris-style decorative tapestry illustration of Victorian cyclists in four configurations — solo, couple, family, and elder — surrounded by ornate botanical borders, flat illustration style, parchment and rust and gold colour palette”
Chapter 6: Impossible Features (four cards)
Temporal Tourism — Coventry 1890/2085 compositeAdobe Firefly Prompt: “A composite photograph showing a Victorian-era Coventry street in 1890 overlaid as a ghost image onto the same street in 2085 with cycling infrastructure, double-exposure style, sepia and modern tones blended, photorealistic”
Weather Conductor visualisationAdobe Firefly : “An abstract illustration of a cyclist surrounded by swirling weather patterns they are conducting like an orchestra, golden light radiating outward, stylised and slightly surreal, parchment tones”
Gravity Toggle 0% — satirical illustrationAdobe Firefly hand-drawn style Prompt: “A satirical Victorian technical patent drawing style illustration of a bicycle and rider floating at the ceiling of a Victorian drawing room, deadpan expression, ink line drawing style with light parchment wash” This one should look like a page from a Victorian instruction manual. Dry and serious in execution, absurd in content.
Oscar Wilde Approval ModeAdobe Firefly : “A Victorian-era notification scroll or calling card with ornate brass border, displaying a witty Oscar Wilde epigram in elegant serif typography, parchment background, formal and beautiful”
Close
No images required — this slide is purely typographic with the decorative wheel circles that are already built in PowerPoint.
Wasn’t keen on the initial design as it was too ‘dark satanic’ rather than cutting edge Victorian engineering to my mind. I decided to retain the opening slide’s look and feel while attempting a lighter, less complicated appearance for the presentation as a whole.
In my second iteration, I got too bogged down with the concept and theory and my feeling was that those listening to the pitch would perhaps understand a lot about bicycles and their history as well as some of the technical details behind the features I’d like to see for The Victorian but would have little idea of what it might actually be. I felt this second iteration would fail the ‘Dragons Den’ so I decided that ‘I’m out’ and decided to try for a third time.
Version 3 was much stronger and gives me plenty of scope of images and possibly videos and other media too.
My objective was to design a Powerpoint presentation called ‘The Victorian Smart Bike’ which is a speculative design set in 2085 which answers, albeit indirectly through notes rather than the slides themselvels the following questions:
What concepts, theories of humans from the lectures and reading have influenced my project?
Key practitioners that influenced my project?
Examples of old tech and emerging media that is influencing this project?
How successful do I believe this proposal is?
What feedback do my audience have on this pitch?
The slides were designed on PowerPoint – with AI help – using the following summary of the project:
The Victorian Smart Bike in 60 Seconds
In 1885, a man named John Kemp Starley built a bicycle in Coventry that changed the world. Not because it was fast. Because it was for everyone. It gave women freedom. It gave working people mobility. It gave humanity its first real taste of joyful, independent movement.
Two hundred years later, the car is gone, the cities are ours again, and cycling is the centre of daily life. But here’s the problem nobody is talking about: the bikes are boring. They’re functional. They’re forgettable. They move people’s bodies and nothing else.
The Victorian moves everything else.
It knows your emotional state and adjusts your route accordingly. It synchronises your family’s heartbeats on a Sunday ride. It powers your neighbour’s breakfast. It lets you race Pogačar up a mountain – and lose, gloriously, in full sensory immersion. Its frame changes colour when you’re happy. Its Butler delivers notifications of such magnificent pomposity that people read them aloud to strangers.
It is, in a word, alive.
I am not pitching you a bicycle. I am pitching you the most significant object in the most significant century of cycling – a machine worthy of the world that built it.
The question isn’t whether you can afford to commission The Victorian.
It’s whether 2085 can afford not to have it.
10 Bullet Points for To Pitch
The timing is the product. The Victorian arrives at the precise cultural moment when humanity has solved the practical problem of transport and is now hungry for meaning, beauty, and joy in how it moves. This isn’t a bike for getting somewhere. It’s a bike for being somewhere.
Victorian aesthetics aren’t nostalgia – they’re a statement. In a world of frictionless, invisible, forgettable technology, The Victorian is unapologetically tactile, crafted, and present. It will be the most beautiful object most people own. That matters enormously to 2085 consumers.
It’s the only vehicle that knows you. Not your preferences, not your search history you. Your emotional state, your cellular health, your family’s biorhythms, your subconscious desires. Every other transport system moves your body. The Victorian moves your whole self.
The social network is built into the machine. The SVN (Social Velocipede Network) doesn’t require a phone, a screen, or a separate subscription. The ride is the broadcast. The experience is the content. This is the first genuinely post-smartphone social platform, and it comes with wheels.
It generates more than it consumes. The Atmospheric Energy Array means every Victorian on the road is a net contributor to the city grid. Commission enough of them and the fleet powers the neighbourhood. This is the only luxury product that pays its own way environmentally.
Family technology that actually works. Every family product ever made has been designed for the average family. The Victorian’s Constellation Module physically reconfigures for your family, whatever shape it takes. Six profiles, six needs, one quantum algorithm that satisfies all of them simultaneously.
The aspirational ceiling is Pogačar. The Champion’s Echo feature means every rider, — regardless of ability, has access to the greatest cyclist of the age as a training partner, motivator, and presence. The gap between the amateur and the elite has never been this beautifully, meaningfully bridged.
Wonder Credits replace the attention economy. The Victorian doesn’t reward engagement, it rewards living well. Discovering beauty. Helping people. Attempting ridiculous climbs. This is a values system embedded in a product, and in 2085 that is extraordinarily rare and commercially powerful.
The Butler makes it unforgettable. Features can be copied. The Victorian Butler cannot. An AI with genuine wit, warmth, and Victorian gravitas delivering personalised notifications is the kind of product personality that creates lifelong loyalty and relentless word of mouth. People will quote it to their friends.
This is the bicycle that John Kemp Starley would recognise and could never have imagined. And that tension, that paradox, is the whole product. Two hundred years of cycling’s promise, finally, completely, beautifully kept.
Before starting work on the images to accompany the presentation, I have prepared a leaflet/handout which summarises the key points of the project:
I appreciate that it does not contain a lot of information but the intention behind it is to leave a few ‘aides memoire’ with the potential customer so that they have a way to revisit their favourite features of the bike.
My objective for tomorrow is to build upon the current draft of the presentation and begin creating the digital ‘assets’ which will enable the pitch to come to life.
The VICTORIAN Smart Bike – Developing Ideas and Getting Ready to Pitch (and roll!)
6th April 2026
The start of the second week of the Easter Break means that the pitching session for this project is now less than two weeks away. Over the past week, I have focussed on delivering the content for the ‘Digital Comtent Creation’ module and have now (I hope!) completed this. Today my attention has turned to this project and I decided to crystalise my idea for delivering the speculative Victorian Smart Bike project.
I have decided to do this in the form of a ‘virtual’ manual for the bike. The idea being that this is the document that a new user will read first as they begin the ‘unboxing’ of their new bicycle. ‘Unboxing’ is a popular subject for TikTokkers and often appears on my ‘FYP’ (For You Page’ and I guess we all enjoy opening something new and shiny.
The chapters are as follows:
A History of 200 Years
Prologue runs through four distinct historical periods: the 1885 invention and its liberating social impact (especially for women), the long decline during the car era, the Climate Restoration era, and a closing philosophical section on why the Victorian aesthetic returned in 2085. It ends with a bridge sentence into the manual proper.
Welcome to The Victorian Smart Bike
Chapter 1 opens with the unboxing as a sensory experience, what the bike smells like, what it sounds like when you first lift it, then moves into the full spec sheet and a short AI film of the frame breathing.
Setting up Your Victorian
Chapter 2 treats setup as a ritual rather than a chore. Each of the five steps has its own diagram, and the chapter is seeded with hacks throughout, including the anticlockwise compass trick and the joy-state calibration tip.
Victorian Engineering in Practice
Chapter 3 goes deep on the four core systems: Quantum Routing (with the 7-variable diagram), the Empathy Saddle biorhythm tracking (including the family synchronisation visualisation), the Atmospheric Energy Array (with audio), and the SVN social network with its Emotional Weather Map.
Advanced Features
Chapter 4 is the most media-rich chapter; three AI images for the Consciousness Frame mood states, a temporal layers composite, an indoor/outdoor transition video, the full Hacks section, and five written Victorian Butler notifications including one audio clip.
Family and Community Riding
Chapter 5 covers family riding across four hardware configurations, the Emotional Load Distribution system (told through a narrative vignette), age-adaptive features for children, teenagers and elders, and the Wonder Credits system with its dashboard mockup.
Features they said were IMPOSSIBLE (as recently as 2026)
Chapter 6 plays everything completely straight, deadpan, as if Temporal Tourism Pedals and a 42%-gravity pigeon confusion bug are entirely normal product features. It ends with the Tadej Protocol Ultimate – and the final paragraph of the whole manual.
(Image: My first AI generated pictures of The Victorian Smart Bike created with midjourney in January 2026)
(Image: Second Generation of The Victorian Smart Bike AI generated with Google Gemini)
Next Steps
Having established the flow of the ‘story’ of The Victorian Smart Bike’, I wanted to create a platform in which to store the content that I create in a modern, indeed post-modern, setting which fits the 2085 era. In class, Emily has suggested the use of a website and while I thought this route was likely to be beyond my level of skills, I felt that this would probably be the perfect solution as a website is particularly relevant to this speculative product and is the most-likely platform to be sustainable into the future 60 years hence. But, I have no idea how do create a website so took this as the first step on this project. In a sense, I am working backwards by seeking to create the ‘completed’ work and then looping back to create the pitch document once I have made some progress.
I began by creating a prompt for Claude AI and copying in all of the ideas I have developed to date and the above chapter outline:
“Please review the attached project brief. I’d like you to create from this a step-by-step project which takes the ideas from the page into a digital media project. The basis concept is that I will create an online manual or user guide for The Victorian Smart Bicycle. It should have a prologue and six chapters which include an introduction, how to set up the bicycle, what it can do, it’s most advanced features with small, interesting details and hacks in each chapter. It should include – at the start – a history of the bicycle going back to the invention of the safety bicycle in 1885. It should include the little tips from “Virtual Tadej Pogacar” and details of what should be in each chapter. The chapters can include text, photography, video and any other creative media that I can reasonably learn to use over the next five days. The final piece of work should be ready by the end of this week.”
Claude AI gave me the following answers:
“The plan gives you a seven-chapter online manual structured around a five-day sprint (my window to complete this work – at least to pitching stage). Let me walk you through the key thinking behind it.
Structure rationale. The Prologue handles your bicycle history requirement as a proper standalone piece before Chapter 1 — this gives it the weight and depth it deserves rather than squashing it into an introduction. Then Chapters 1–6 move logically from vision → setup → core use → advanced use → family/community → the gloriously absurd impossible features.
On the Tadej tips. Each chapter has a Virtual Tadej Pogačar quote built into it — short, aphoristic, delivered with the deadpan authority of someone who has won the Tour de France twice. For the actual manual you might render these in a distinctive box style (brass-coloured border, small cycling icon), and if you have time, a 5-second AI video of a Tadej-style figure saying the line would be brilliant.
On your five days. Monday is your writing and research day — getting all the text drafted first means every other day is about enriching it, not scrambling for content. Wednesday is your most ambitious day (AI video generation), so if Runway or Pika is being slow, Luma Dream Machine or Pollo.ai are your fallbacks — you already know all of these.
On the site itself. Notion published to the web is actually a strong choice here because it handles mixed media cleanly, looks clean without CSS knowledge, and is free. Wix gives you more visual control if you want it. Either can embed YouTube/Vimeo clips, Canva graphics, and SoundCloud audio without friction.
Would you like me to help with any specific part of this — drafting the Prologue text, writing the Victorian Butler notifications, generating Firefly prompt scripts for the AI images, or building a content template for the site?”
I asked Claude to help me with building a content template and it returned with a suggested HTML template and that I should copy this into either:
“Option 1: Netlify Drop (Fastest — 2 minutes, no account needed)
This is the easiest thing in existence.
Go to netlify.com/drop
Drag your victorian-site-template.html file onto the page
Netlify gives you a live URL immediately — something like random-name-123.netlify.app
Share that URL for your submission
That’s it. No account, no setup, no code. The site is live. When you add images and update the file, just drag it again.
One catch: rename your file to index.html before you drop it, otherwise the URL will have the filename in it.”
OR:
“Option 2: GitHub Pages (Slightly more setup, but gives you a cleaner URL and lets you update easily)
This is worth the 10 minutes if you want to keep updating the site through the week.
Go to github.com and create a free account
Click New repository → name it the-victorian → tick “Add a README file” → click Create repository
Click Add file → Upload files → drag in your renamed index.html
Commit the file (just click the green button)
Go to Settings → Pages (in the left sidebar)
Under “Source”, select main branch → click Save
GitHub gives you a URL: yourusername.github.io/the-victorian
Your site is live within about 60 seconds. Every time you update the HTML file, just upload the new version the same way.”
I opted for ‘Netlify’ and created a website for the project:
Frankly, I am unsure as to how I will develop this website from the skeleton it is currently into the manual which I am proud to present but I will – with the support of Google, AI and ARU – work it out. Like the Digital Content Creation module where video editing to any decent level was beyond my current skill set, I think this presents an ideal opportunity for my storytelling ability and untapped creativity to work alongside modern technology to create something, if not unique and special, then at least of good quality.
Populating ‘The Manual’
I have looked at tools I might use to populate the manual and have identified the following possibilities:
AI Image generation: Adobe Firefly, Canva AI, Google Gemini, Ideogram – use for product concept art, Victorian-futurist illustrations. I have used all of these tools – except Ideogram – before in this and previous projects.
AI Video generation: CapCut, Runway Gen-4 (free credits), Luma Dream Machine, Pika 2.2, Pollo.ai — 5–10 second clips per feature. CapCut has proved a revelation but I am keen to keep growing and developing my knowledge and experience so I will attempt to use other tools. My last attempt to use Runway – for this module in semester one – was not a success but I feel my experience of these tools has improved giving an opportunity for better results.
Infographics & diagrams: Canva, Adobe Express- timeline, spec sheet, feature maps, family configuration diagram. This is new territory for me, I’d like the manual to have the look and feel of something a manufacturer would actually produce so it will be a useful challenge.
Audio / voiceover: ElevenLabs (for Victorian Butler voice); record my own narration via Audacity or Podcast platforms. I have used ElevenLabs and Acast before in a rudimentary way and look forward to making better use of the on this ocassion.
Archive photography: Own photos and screengrabs over the years and Wikimedia Commons, Library of Congress (loc.gov) also Google for copyright-free Victorian cycling and bicycle images. Checking my own Google Photos I have many hundreds of photos of bicycles going back ten years or so. Not all are vintage or have the right vibe for this exercise so it will certainly have to make use of these tools.
Tadej Tips: Each chapter has a Virtual Tadej Pogačar quote built into it, these come from my imagination as a fan of ‘Pogi’ and will be created with great respect someone who is a multiple winner of the Tour de France and numerous (every?) other major cycling race. I might create these in a distinctive box style (brass-coloured border, small cycling icon), and if there is time, a 5-second AI video of a Tadej-style figure saying the line would be brilliant.
In the next post for this blog, my plan is to begin the work of developing the chapters into a little more detail – the idea is that I will work through the chapters in order but that may not prove possible.
I think I may have enough information now to start an outline of my ‘pitch’ of this project and will look at this along side the work of expanding this speculative idea into (virtual) reality.
Image: A vitual Tadej Pogacar created with Google Gemini
The Brief: Reflective Report (500 Words): A critical evaluation of the creative process, including: Justification for the chosen platforms and mediums. Analysis of the targeted audience and engagement strategies. Reflection on storytelling techniques and ethical considerations. Key lessons learned during the project.
The Creative Journey
This project went through a real transformation before it became the three-part YouTube series Clobbered by the Bible, complete with a personal introduction video. My starting point was a set of short TikTok videos tackling the biblical “Clobber Passages” in the fast, funny style of creators like B. Dylan Hollis. But the more I worked on it, the more I realised that quick comedy and complex, sensitive theology don’t always make easy partners. The TikTok plan would have required about ten videos and I felt, the joke was too thin and the format couldn’t do justice to the subject. So I changed course.
The TikTok experiments weren’t wasted though. I used them to explore AI video creation tools, and the results are up on my blog if you’re curious. They remain a useful record of where I started.
Platform and Medium
Moving from TikTok to YouTube was a deliberate choice, both creatively and ethically. YouTube gave me the space to tell the story properly, in a longer documentary-style format where each chapter could breathe. I also felt a real responsibility to the people who might be watching -those recovering from religious trauma deserve more than a punchline.
The production side was a steep climb. I’d planned a simple studio setup but ended up mixing location filming with green screen work at ARU, which pushed me well outside my comfort zone. Learning to edit a multi-chapter project in CapCut Pro was genuinely hard, but it raised the quality of the final videos in ways I’m proud of. I’m also part way through an Adobe Premiere Pro course, so the learning continues.
Audience and Engagement
If I’m honest, the audience question came fairly late in the process. The real driver was personal: a deep conviction that if we are all made in the image of God, then there is no room for excluding people on the basis of sexuality or gender identity. Full stop.
That said, I know who I’m making this for. Spiritual exiles. LGBTQ+ Christians. Ex-vangelicals. People who still carry a hunger for spirituality have been hurt by the church. My approach is warm rather than confrontational. Everyone who reads a Bible passage is making a choice about interpretation, and mine is a generous one that includes rather than excludes. Opening the series with my own story, as my tutor Loren suggested, helps build trust quickly and sets the right tone for everything that follows.
Storytelling and Ethics
The series follows a clear arc: the wound of weaponised scripture, the historical context behind passages that have been misused for centuries, and finally a hopeful, inclusive resolution. Looking back, I could have included trigger warnings for religious trauma, and I’d do that differently next time.
What I Learned
This module taught me that humour and compassion can share a space, but compassion has to come first. Slowing down, mastering new tools, and finding my authentic voice produced something I’m genuinely proud of. I started after Christmas wondering if I could pull this off at all. I know now that I can.
Clobbered by the Bible – A You Tube Series in Three Chapters
5th April 2026
After a lot of indecision and reviewing both the scripts and my videoing plans, I began to record the videos for my project. They were not recorded in order.
First I recorded the content for Chapter 1 and when I discussed this with Loren in class, she suggested making a personal introduction to set the scene and reasoning behind my choice of subject. As a result, the second part I recorded was ‘A Personal Introduction’. I recorded this using my phone and a suitable backdrop in Rus 141.
This was followed by Chapters 2 and 3 – both of which were also recorded in Rus 141 whereas Chapter 1 was recorded ‘on location’ in the ground of St Neots Parish Church.
I think it is fair to say that none of these four videos is quite to Hollywood standard and they may also be lacking in both narrative and story arc but I think they demonstrate my learning process and that my skills improve during the process and Chapter 3 is a better video that Chapter 2 and so on. Given the personal nature of the content of the introduction piece, I decided not to do anything especially technical and to allow the words to largely, tell the story on their own.
Below you will find the videos followed by the final version of the scripts I used although, I did not, in the end use each one verbatim. I have included some ‘stage directions’ which I used as a prompt to myself while talking to the camera.
A Personal Introduction
Script:
I want to tell you why I made this series. Not the academic reason. Not the digital media production reason. The real one.
A little over a year ago, at the age of fifty-seven, I came out as a gay man.
Fifty-seven.
I had known, or suspected, or buried, or fought what that meant about me for most of my life. And for most of my life, I chose silence. Not because I was cowardly. But because I was trying to do the right thing by the people I loved.
I have been married for three decades. To a good woman. And the silence I kept was not empty. It was full. Full of responsibility, and care, and genuine love, and the daily effort of trying to be who I thought I was supposed to be.
But silence has a cost. Mine came out as depression. Anxiety. An eating disorder. A grief I couldn’t name for a life I was living in half measures.
Not a double life. A half life. And eventually, I could not go on any longer.”
[Brief pause. Breath. Continue.]
“Coming out at fifty-seven is not a tragedy. I want to be clear about that. It is one of the most honest things I have ever done. Telling my wife the truth, after everything we had shared, took more courage than anything I can describe. And I remain deeply aware of the cost of that honesty to someone who did not deserve to be hurt.
But I also know this: living a half life was not kindness. It was slow damage, to both of us, and most of all to me.
I am fifty-eight years old. I am a student. I am a Lay Minister in the Church of England. I am gay. And I am, for the first time in my adult life, becoming myself.”
[Slight shift – Warmer. More direct.]
“I made this series because of what the Church did with the Bible while I was carrying all of that.
For decades, the clobber passages were in the background of my life. I didn’t need anyone to quote them at me directly. The atmosphere was enough. The silence from the pulpit was enough. The careful, managed, diplomatic non-welcome was enough to tell me what I needed to know:
that people like me were a problem to be handled, not a person to be loved.
I am making this series because I am a Lay Minister who has sat on both sides of that. Inside the Church and outside of acceptance at the same time. And I know what it costs.
I am making this series because no one in my immediate context is saying this clearly enough. And because the people who needed someone to say it clearly are the younger version of me, sitting somewhere quiet, carrying something they don’t have words for yet, wondering if God has room for them.
God has room for them. God has always had room for them. The Church just hasn’t always told the truth about that.”
[Final turn to camera. Slow. ]
“So this is for the person who is fifty years old and still hasn’t said it out loud. This is for the teenager sitting in a church pew feeling themselves get smaller. This is for the queer Christian who left the Church because they were given no reason to stay. This is for anyone who has ever been handed a Bible verse like a door being closed in their face.
I see you. I was you. And I want you to know what I needed someone to tell me thirty years ago:
You are not a mistake. You are not a problem. You are not outside the love of God. You are made in the image of God. Exactly as you are. Exactly as you were made. And that was always true. Even in the silence. Even in the half life. Even then.”
[Beat. Then, quietly:]
“This is Clobbered by the Bible. I’m glad you’re here.”
Chapter One – The Weapon and the Word
Outside or inside a Church building.]
I mostly edited our references to my particular (current) denomination as I was speaking because my experience is not limited to one church organisation and I believe that similar prejudice is to be found in many churches. Fortunately, it does not exist in many churches and faith communities too – even within the Church of England.
The first section, I decided, in the end to remove from the final edit as it made an already long series of videos, I think, too long :“In February 2026, the Church of England formally brought the Living in Love and Faith process to an end – Living in Love and Faith – LLF – began in 2017 as a way to engage with changing views on sexuality, relationships and marriage. It led to Church’s governing body – the General Synod -approving “Prayers of Love and Faith”, blessings for same-sex couples within regular services in February 2023. Progressives and many clergy backed the process as a path toward fuller affirmation of LGBTQ+ relationships. Opponents – some might use the words extremists or homophobes – argued it undermined Scripture and traditional marriage doctrine. The Bishops ultimately concluded that standalone same-sex blessing services would not be possible since the Church’s official doctrine defines marriage as between a man and a woman. General Synod voted 252 to 132 to halt the process in February 2026, with new working groups commissioned to continue exploring the issues and by kicking the can down the road, they have satisfied almost nobody.
The headlines talked about ‘prayers of blessing’ and ‘pastoral provision’, but underneath the careful language many of us heard a familiar message:
You can belong here, but only on certain terms. You can serve, but not be fully affirmed. You can exist, but not quite as equals.
This series is my attempt to tell another story. Now, I’m not a theologian or a biblical scholar, I’m just an ordinary Christian and a human being who believes that life BEFORE death is more important than life after death. And so, I want to do my bit – as my great hero Archbishop Desmond Tutu put it – do your little bit of good where you are and that way we will change the world … So welcome to Clobbered by The Bible – it’s about the so‑called ‘clobber passages’, just six or seven verses of the Bible out of more than 10,000 that have been used by many in the Church to justify half‑measures and exclusions, inspiring prejudice and hatred – including for many shame and internalised homophobia.
We’ll walk through them one by one and ask: is this really what they say, and does it really justify the way we treat LGBTQ+ people in our churches? For further context, scholars say that there are more than 600 laws in the Old Testament alone – here are a few examples:
Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material (Leviticus 19:19). The runaway favourite because virtually everyone watching this documentary is wearing a poly-cotton blend at this exact moment.
Men must not have long hair, it is a disgrace (1 Corinthians 11:14). The comedy writes itself: every Renaissance painting, every church window, every crucifix in existence depicts Jesus with flowing locks.
Anyone who works on the Sabbath shall be put to death (Exodus 31:15; Numbers 15:32–36) Hopefully that makes you feel sorry for the folks at Tesco next weekend.
A man who refuses to marry his dead brother’s widow shall have his sandal publicly removed and she shall spit in his face (Deuteronomy 25:7–10). The sandal-removal is humiliating enough. The spitting feels personal.
Soldiers must carry a spade and bury their excrement outside camp, because God walks among the camp and must not see anything indecent (Deuteronomy 23:12–13). The implication that the Almighty is fine with the wholesale slaughter of entire cities but draws the line at a whiffy loo.
Do not set up a stone pillar as a memorial (Deuteronomy 16:22)
All of these are verbatim scripture, all sit in the same texts as the clobber passages, but none are enforced by anyone.
And yet, queer people are excluded on the basis of just six. And while we are here, this is what Jesus himself had to say about homosexuality: NOTHING!
My qualifications, well, I’m someone on the inside. I’m an Authorised Lay Minister, I wear the robes, I preach the sermons, I lead the prayers. And I am also a queer person who has sat in the pews and heard these clobber passages used to explain why people like me can never be fully welcomed.
Welcome to you all, especially those who’ve been ‘Clobbered by the Bible’
SECTION 1 – THE CLOBBER PASSAGES
When our bishops issue careful statements and pastoral guidance, they rarely quote every text out loud. But the clobber passages sit in the background like loaded weapons.
Genesis 19. Leviticus 18 and 20. Romans 1. 1 Corinthians 6. 1 Timothy 1. These verses are the unspoken ‘evidence’ behind policies that bless relationships with one hand and withhold full acceptance with the other. I’ve lived with those passages hanging over me as a Christian and a Lay Minister. So in this chapter, I want to begin with two of the most frequently cited New Testament texts: 1 Corinthians 6 and 1 Timothy 1.
SECTION 2 – 1 CORINTHIANS 6 & 1 TIMOTHY 1
[Bible close‑up.]
In 1 Corinthians 6, Saint Paul lists wrongdoers who ‘will not inherit the kingdom of God’. In many English Bibles used in our pews, that list includes ‘homosexuals’ or ‘those who practice homosexuality’.
In 1 Timothy 1, another vice list is sometimes translated to include ‘sodomites’ or ‘those who practice homosexuality’, squeezed in between murderers, slave traders and liars.
These verses have quietly underpinned decades of teaching that says: ‘We can’t fully affirm queer people, because Scripture is clear.’ The clobber passages become the theological justification for the Church’s refusal to offer unambiguous, equal welcome.”
SECTION 3 – THE 1946 THREAD (NOT THE CENTRE)
“In the original Greek, Paul doesn’t use a word that means ‘homosexuals’ as we understand that term today. He uses two rare terms: malakoi and arsenokoitai. Malakoi literally means ‘soft’ – used at times as an insult for moral weakness or for younger men kept by powerful patrons in exploitative relationships. Arsenokoitai is even rarer. Many scholars think it refers to people who exploit others sexually or economically – abusers, traffickers, those who treat bodies as property. In the mid‑twentieth century, a major English translation chose, for the first time, to merge these tricky words into the modern identity label ‘homosexuals’. That decision, explored in the documentary 1946: The Mistranslation That Shifted Culture, has heavily influenced the Bibles we read in our pews and the way ministers talk about ‘biblical teaching’. I’m not saying that one translation choice explains everything. But it matters that the clobber passages we lean on in debate are themselves the products of particular historical moments, fears and blind spots. They are not as straightforward as our statements often imply.
SECTION 4 – PERSONAL NOTE & BRIDGE
Over the years, I have attended many different churches in a variety of denominations and traditions – generally we’re expected to uphold the Church’s teaching, even when that teaching sends mixed messages about one’s own life and the lives of people like me. Like many others I’ve had to sit with these passages and ask: are they really saying what is claimed? Or have we turned difficult, context‑bound texts into absolute barriers that suit those already homophobic? In the rest of this series, we’ll look at how that same dynamic plays out with Sodom, Leviticus and Romans. My hope is not to tear Scripture down, but to free it from the uses that have clobbered LGBTQ+ people and kept us at the edges of the church’s love.
For now, I simply want to say: the clobber passages that defend the status quo in the Church of England are not as clear, or as simple, as we’ve been told.” Join me for Chapter 2 of Clobbered by The Bible when we’ll take a trip to Sodom and Gomorrah – thought to have been located in modern Jordan – when we’ll look at the story behind the threats.
Chapter Two – Sodom, Shellfish and the Holiness Code
I decided to revise this after filming and editing chapter one as part of the learning and ‘growth’ process of this project.
[Open outside a church? Heavy wooden door, stone arch.]
SECTION 1 – SODOM: THE STORY BEHIND THE THREAT
In Chapter One, we started to look at the so-called clobber verses. This time we’re heading to one of the most famous biblical places – Sodom and Gomorrah – a place many people have heard of even if they’ve never been in a church or listened to a sermon.
In the church, Sodom and Gomorrah hovers in the background. People don’t always quote the chapter and verse, but they get the idea and they know that ‘We can’t risk becoming like Sodom.’
Many of us have heard the line, explicitly or implicitly: ‘God destroyed a city because of homosexuality.’ That anxiety feeds into outright discrimination, cautious policies, delayed decisions, and the fear that fully affirming queer people would put us on the wrong side of God’s judgement.
So let’s actually look at the story.”
TIKTOK INSERT
“In Genesis 19, two strangers arrive in Sodom. Lot offers them hospitality. That night, a mob surrounds the house and demands that the visitors be brought out to be raped.
This is not a passage about a loving same-sex relationship. It’s a story about attempted gang rape, humiliation and the violent abuse of strangers.
And the Bible itself tells us what Sodom’s sin really was.”
“In Ezekiel 16:49 we read: ‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.’
Pride, greed, neglect of the vulnerable.
When we use Sodom as a silent threat to justify half-welcomes in the Church, we are not following Scripture closely. The clobber passage here is not a divine example of God hating queer people. It’s a warning about communities that crush the vulnerable and abuse those seeking shelter.”
QUOTE
SECTION 2 – LEVITICUS: WHY THESE VERSES, BUT NOT THOSE?
“Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13 are the other Old Testament clobber passages that lurk beneath our debates. They describe a man lying with a man ‘as with a woman’ as an ‘abomination’.
These lines are often cited when people in church say, ‘We must uphold biblical standards of holiness.’
But these verses live inside the holiness code — a collection of laws given to shape Israel’s identity in contrast to surrounding nations. In the same sections, we find commands about which animals to eat, which fabrics to wear, and how to trim our beards.
The Hebrew word translated ‘abomination’ is toʿevah*. It frequently refers to ritual taboos, particularly linked to idolatry and worship. It signals what is ritually off limits in that system, not who is unlovable to God.”*
TIKTOK INSERT #2
“In practice, the Church happily sets aside most of this code. We bless people wearing mixed fibres. We do not check for prawns in the chancel. We even allow clergy with neatly trimmed beards.
Yet we cling to the verses about male same-sex acts as if they were unique and timeless. Those two verses are then used to rationalise our unwillingness to offer full acceptance to LGBTQ+ people.”
QUOTE
TIKTOK INSERT #3
SECTION 3 – THREADING BACK TO TRANSLATION AND POWER
“When we add this to what we saw in Chapter One, a pattern emerges. Translational choices, selective use of ancient law codes, and cultural fears have combined to create a powerful story: that the Bible clearly demands the permanent marginalisation of queer people. That story has been written into pastoral guidance, synod debates and cautious press releases.
But Sodom is about violence and injustice – not Pride marches.
Leviticus is about ritual boundary markers – not your girlfriend, boyfriend or non-binary partner sitting quietly in a pew.
The clobber passages do not say what we have trained them to say. And if they do not, then our structures of exclusion in the Church rest on very shaky ground.”
QUOTE
SECTION 4 – BRIDGE TO ROMANS AND BEYOND
“In our final chapter, we’ll look at Romans 1 — perhaps the most frequently quoted clobber passage in Anglican debates — and then step back to ask what kind of church we could be if we stopped using these texts to justify half-hearted hospitality.
What does it mean, in this denomination, to say that queer people are made in the image of God and loved without condition?
And what would our policies look like if we truly believed that?”
TIKTOK INSERT #5 ?
Chapter Three – Romans and a Sermon for QueerChristians
SECTION 1 – ROMANS 1 AND OUR CHRISTIAN ANXIETIES
“Romans 1:26–27 is perhaps the most quoted clobber passage in Church of England debates:
‘Their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural, and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another…’
For many, this is the final obstacle: ‘Paul clearly condemns homosexuality. How can we possibly bless or affirm queer relationships?’
Romans 1 needs to be read in context.”
TIKTOK INSERT #1
“Paul is describing a society that has turned away from the living God towards idols. He sketches a world in which power, status and domination shape everything — including sex. In that world, bodies are used without consent; enslaved people have no say; religious and political elites indulge in exploitative practices.
When Paul talks about ‘exchanging natural relations’, he is not describing a modern person recognising their sexuality and seeking a faithful, loving partnership. He is talking about people abandoning their own norms in the context of idolatry and excess.”
QUOTE
SECTION 2 – STEPPING BACK FROM THE CLOBBER TEXTS
“Across this series we’ve seen:
Sodom’s sin named as arrogance and neglect of the poor — not queer love.
Leviticus’ ‘abominations’ embedded in a ritual code we already treat selectively.
1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy relying on obscure words about exploitation, later translated as ‘homosexuals’.
Romans 1 addressing idolatry, abuse and status — not consensual queer relationships.
The clobber passages do not provide the clear mandate the Church claims when it withholds full acceptance and affirmation from LGBTQ+ people.
If our policies, statements and compromises are built on these texts as weapons, then we have been wielding Scripture in ways that distort its meaning and damage our siblings in Christ.”
TIKTOK INSERT #2
QUOTE
TIKTOK INSERT #3
SECTION 3 – A SHORT SERMON TO CLOSE THE SERIES
“I want to finish this series not as a commentator, but as a Lay Minister speaking pastorally and plainly. For years, queer people in our congregations have been told that the Bible is clear, that the clobber passages exclude them from full acceptance, that the most the church can offer is cautious blessing and permanent ambiguity.
That is not the gospel.”
Bonnie Violet, trans femme genderqueer digital chaplain“Don’t pray for me not to be trans. Don’t pray for me not to be gay. Pray for me to get closer to God.”— Bonnie Violet, This Little Light of Mine podcast (2021)“From the first chapter of Genesis, Scripture tells us that every human being is made in the image of God. Not conditionally. Not ‘until we discover their sexuality’. Simply: made in God’s likeness.
Nothing in the clobber passages erases that declaration. Nothing in Sodom, Leviticus, Romans, Corinthians or Timothy cancels the image of God in you. Those texts, when read carefully, confront violence, injustice, idolatry and exploitation. They do not name you as an exception to God’s love.
In the gospels, Jesus consistently moves towards those at the edges of religious respectability. He eats with the people others call sinners. He heals those declared unclean. He refuses to let purity rules stand between people and healing. His sharpest rebukes are reserved for religious leaders who tie up heavy burdens and lay them on others’ shoulders.
If we claim to follow this Jesus, then any use of Scripture that crushes queer and trans people, that keeps them forever at the margins, is out of step with his heart.”
“So let me say this as clearly as I know how, from within this flawed, beloved denomination:
You, as a queer person, are not an embarrassment God needs to manage.You are not a theological problem to be solved before you can belong.You are not an asterisk in the fine print of God’s grace.
You are created in the image of God.Your queerness does not place you outside that image; it is held within it.Your capacity to love, to create, to hope, to seek justice and mercy bears witness to the God who made you.
The Church may still hesitate, equivocate and compromise. Its processes may end without the courage we hoped for. But God is not confused about you.
You are wholly, deeply, unequivocally loved by God.
You do not live on the edge of God’s table. You are invited to the centre.”
“The clobber passages, once we read them rightly, cannot take that away. No mistranslation, no synod vote, no pastoral statement can cancel it.
So hear this blessing, from one Anglican to another:
You are not a problem to be managed by policy or proof text. You never were.
You are a beloved child of God, called, gifted and wanted in the life of the church.
I began this project with a plan to make TikTok videos with the heading ‘Clobbered by the Bible’ based on my plan to deal with – what I see as – the false interpretation of six Bible verses, known as The Clobber Passages, used to condemn same-sex and specifically but not exclusively male same-sex relationships. I couldn’t quite get the tone and script right despite trying several times and creating the characters – originally Richard and Judy – but subsequently changed to Ruth and Jonathan. Loren asked me why I had chosen Richard and Judy in one of the class sessions and that made me think that while I wanted a daytime television vibe, it might be more appropriate to choose characters more closely associated with the Biblical setting. That’s why I went with Ruth and Jonathan – two of the most well know queer characters in the bible.
Having completed – but not yet posted my ‘serious’ series for this project and decided to return to the question of Tik Tok – I have recorded some content, which I will post but which I am currently trying to edit slightly to demonstrate the ‘iteration’ process Tina has recommended, I feel it is too long and not quite what I had envisaged. With a little time to spare on the afternoon of Easter Sunday, I reduced the scripts dramatically and tried to make them both amusing and short again with the ‘new’ characters, Ruth and Jonathan. These scripts still cover the Clobber Passages but in what may be described as a catty, bitchy, queer-coded and fun way.
I am not going to present the videos myself but decided to try using the video creation section of Cap Cut – it’s called Dreamina Seedance 2.0 and I used Claude AI to help me to craft the prompts properly.
But first the scripts/prompts:
Objective: Three punchy, one-minute TikTok scripts with a cheeky nod to who Ruth and Jonathan actually are in the Bible, both figures have centuries of queer-coded scholarship around them, so having them present the show is a theological argument in miniature! (Discuss!)
For Dreamina Seedance, the prompts lean into a consistent visual world – retro pastel studio, animated cutaways, lower thirds – so the three videos feel like a series rather than three separate experiments. Each script runs to around 60 seconds. I am not entirely sure why CapCut AI Video Generator chose a tapestry design but beggars – as they say – can’t be choosers.
Let’s see what happens …
Sodom & Gomorrah: Worst Neighbours Ever TikTok 1
Genesis 19 –
Ruth: Hi, I’m Ruth, yes, that Ruth, the one with my own book in the Bible. The one who told Naomi “where you go, I will go.” Very platonic. Totally.
Jonathan: And I’m Jonathan. My love for David “surpassed the love of women.” Also very platonic. Anyway- Sodom.
Ruth: The city God destroyed. Which the Church has been using to threaten queer people for centuries. Shall we?
Jonathan: Genesis 19. An angry mob demands strangers be handed over – for gang rape. Which is violence, not a Pride parade.
Ruth: Elsewhere in the Bible – Ezekiel, to be specific – Sodom’s actual sins are listed as: arrogance, ignoring the poor, and general moral bankruptcy.
Jonathan: No mention of the gays. Almost like… it wasn’t about the gays?
Ruth: If anyone’s waved Sodom at you – honey, you’re not the mob at the door. You are the guest. Made in the image of God.
Jonathan: The mob had bad theology. You just have good taste.
On-screen caption: SODOM’S SIN: VIOLENCE. NOT YOU.
Dreamina Seedance 2.0 – video prompt (Helped by Claude AI)
Bright, retro daytime TV set with pastel sofa and floral cushions. Two queer-coded hosts – Ruth (warm, wry, 30s woman) and Jonathan (camp, quick, 30s man) — in colourful 1970s-style outfits. Light and playful energy. Upbeat incidental music. Lower thirds: “THIS MORNING — CLOBBERED BY THE BIBLE” with “Ruth & Jonathan” chyron. Fast cuts. Warm studio lighting. Talking-head close-ups intercut with illustrated Bible scene of a mob outside a house, with a red X over the mob. Final freeze frame: glittery text “SODOM’S SIN: VIOLENCE. NOT YOU.”
Leviticus: Live, Laugh, Abomination – TikTok 2
Leviticus 18:22 & 20:13 ~60 seconds
Jonathan: Welcome back. Today: Leviticus – the biblical equivalent of a terms and conditions page nobody read.
Ruth: “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination.” Strong words from a book that also bans prawn cocktail and polyester.
Jonathan: The Hebrew word – toevah – means a ritual taboo. Specific. Cultural. Ancient. Not “you, personally, are disgusting forever.”
Ruth: Chapter 20 adds a death penalty. Also for: adulterers, cheeky teenagers, and anyone who’s cursed their mum. So.
Jonathan: Funny how modern Christians aren’t stoning stroppy teenagers. But they are very keen to keep the one verse about us.
Ruth: These are civil codes for an ancient theocracy surrounded by some very colourful cult practices. They are not God’s personal letter to your sexuality.
Jonathan: You are not an abomination. You are a beloved image-bearer who is simply allergic to bad theology.
Ruth: If anything gets banned, let it be weaponised scripture. And beige buffet food.
Jonathan: The gays? Can stay.
On-screen caption: ABOMINATION ≠ YOU.
Dreamina Seedance 2.0 – video prompt
Same retro daytime TV set. Ruth and Jonathan increasingly exasperated but glamorous. Jonathan holds up a bowl of prawns and points at it knowingly. Ruth fans herself with a copy of Leviticus. Cutaway animation: a scroll with a long list of banned things (prawns, polyester, mixed seeds) with a big red X; then a tiny section zoomed in with a magnifying glass. Upbeat comedy underscore. Lower third reads “LEVITICUS: TERMS & CONDITIONS APPLY.” Final graphic: glittery “ABOMINATION ≠ YOU” with confetti burst.
Ruth: Right. The New Testament round. Three passages, two dodgy Greek words, and one absolutely catastrophic translation committee.
Jonathan: Romans 1: Paul describes people abandoning God for imperial sex cults. Power, status, using bodies like furniture. He is describing ancient Rome – not your relationship.
Ruth: 1 Corinthians 6: the actual Greek words are “malakoi” – soft – and “arsenokoitai”- which appears almost nowhere else and seems to mean exploiters and abusers.
Jonathan: Some translation committees looked at all that nuance and said “no thanks – let’s just write ‘homosexuals’ and see how many lives we can ruin before lunch.”
Ruth: 1 Timothy lists arsenokoitai alongside murderers and slave traders. Which, even if it means what they say it means – is it giving “your non-binary neighbour trying to survive family lunch”?
Jonathan: No. It is not.
Ruth: You are not a mistranslation. You are a whole, beautiful image of God.
Jonathan: The real drama isn’t you coming out. It’s the Church refusing to come out of bad translation.
[Both look directly to camera. Pause. Knowing smile.]
Both: Where you go, we will go.
On-screen caption: YOU ARE NOT A MISTRANSLATION.
Dreamina Seedance 2.0 – video prompt
Same retro studio set, now with a large illustrated Greek scroll as a backdrop. Ruth and Jonathan in peak camp energy — gesturing at the scroll like lecturers who are also having the time of their lives. Cutaway: animated translation committee of stern suited men crossing out words and replacing them; the word “homosexuals” stamped in red on a document, then a buzzer sound and red X. Close-up on the two words “malakoi” and “arsenokoitai” illuminated as if on a quiz show board. Final shot: Ruth and Jonathan side by side, arms linked, looking to camera. Warm golden light. Freeze frame. Text appears: “YOU ARE NOT A MISTRANSLATION.” Confetti.
In today’s session, Lara Houston gave a presentation called “Critical breaking & repair” which outlined the many barriers to repairing digital media and consumer electronics. These barriers are categorised as physical, organisational, and legal. Examples include Apple’s “Batterygate,” Nikon’s restriction of parts to authorized dealers, and John Deere’s restrictive software that prevents farmers from repairing their own tractors.
To combat this, the presentation highlights grassroots movements aimed at enhancing “consumption knowledge” (a term drawn from Arjun Appadurai). Initiatives like Repair Cafés, Restart Parties, and the Fixer’s Manifesto encourage consumers to fix their own devices and view repair as a creative, anti-waste act rather than relying on replacements.
Crucially, the right to repair is gaining legislative traction to increase the accessibility of “production knowledge” especially in France where legislation has already been passed. European policies include VAT reductions on repairs, Sweden’s tax deductions for fixing appliances, and France’s 2015 ban on planned obsolescence alongside its “Repairability Index”. Similarly, the EU’s ‘Ecodesign’ directive mandates that devices must withstand drops, maintain battery health, and guarantee spare parts and software updates for five to seven years.
The movement is also advancing in the US, with states like Minnesota, California, and Colorado enacting laws to secure repair rights for everyday consumers and farmers.
It struck me how conditioned to disposable products I have become. Without a second thought, I generally accept that an item will cease to work and that the only available course of action is to replace the thing in question with a new model. In general, US farmers do not strike me as the most sympathetic group but there is no doubt that they have opened my eyes and their campaign deserves applause and praise.
In this module, we have started to produce the material for the project brief. I have produced and edited the first chapter which can be accessed here on You Tube:
16th March 2026 Last week, we talked about the roles of each of the team in this project and came up with this division of labour: Quinn – Creative Director Iva – 1st AD Nick – Line Producer Ben – Sound Director
While researching ideas for the ‘awards ceremony’ idea for my ‘Line Producer’ role, I found a mockumentary directed by Christopher Guest called ‘For Your Consideration’. The film follows a messy theatre ensemble making ‘Home for Purim’, a low-budget period drama about a Jewish family. When an obscure website speculates that one actress might be worth watching for awards, the rumour spreads like wildfire through the cast and crew. Suddenly everyone in the production becomes convinced they’re headed for Oscar glory. The comedy escalates as each actor subtly (then not so subtly) begins adjusting their performance to seem more “awards-worthy”: adding gravitas, requesting script changes, and rehearsing acceptance speeches. Publicists swoop in, chat show appearances are booked, and the entire production starts bending to the gravitational pull of imagined prestige. The film’s gentle cruelty is in showing how thoroughly self-delusion can corrupt genuine creative work and how crushing the silence is when the nominations are announced and nobody’s name appears. It struck me that a comparison can be drawn between this film and the idea I had last week for a ‘mockumentary’ about a student award ceremony at ARU. It also gave be a few new ideas about our production – which is now being produced by a group of four with Ben having joined us last week. The initial story line will need to be changed to reflect this addition to the team and I also gained a few ideas about the story where I think there are the following comparisons and/or differences between the two. In particular, Guest satirises:
1. How external hype (rumours, critics, awards talk) changes how artists behave. 2. How people perform for the idea of prestige, not for the work itself. 3. How expectations build a fantasy that reality can’t possibly match.
There are a few things we might be able to ‘borrow’ to improve the story of our mockumentary: In For Your Consideration, one random online mention sparks the chaos. We could add, early in the storyboard a rumour moment such as, someone says “Apparently an industry person is coming tonight,” or a TikTok comment: “This is so professional, you should submit to real festivals.” Then show how each character upgrades the rumour in their own mind with film industry delusions – this gives our team a reason to inflate the ARU event beyond just their own egos.
A ‘synopsis’ of the possible learnings from this film could be: “A low-budget ARU film screening is mistaken for a prestigious festival, triggering wild “awards buzz.” Four students reshape their film, personas and expectations to chase imaginary glory, only to face a tiny, awkward event, then desperately spin the anticlimax into proof of their supposed future greatness as world-class Digital Media Producers.
With all this in mind, I have started to think that a mock TV news show might work better for the team because (I think) it will be easier to shoot, organise and act than a dramatic mockumentary in the spirit of ‘For You Consideration’ which – on reflection – could be quite complicated.
So here are some ideas for: ‘Tonight at ARU’ (working title!) as a news programme focussed on the awards theme.
“ARU TONIGHT – SPECIAL REPORT: FILM FESTIVAL FEVER”. 1. Overall structure (5 minutes) Opening titles + headlines/“coming up tonight”. Anchor intro at the desk. Pre-recorded festival “special report” (our mockumentary content). Back to studio for a short “panel” or quick joke. Spoof weather (related to student life / deadlines) and sign-off. 2. The ‘cast’ Anchor (desk) Field correspondent at ARU Film Night Interview guests All four of you can rotate between roles by changing coats, glasses etc So for our next meeting we could look at the following storyboard:
OPENING (Anchor, studio) Anchored by Nick: “Good evening, I’m XXX. Tonight: red carpets, raw talent, and free pizza – we go inside the ARU Film Festival.” “Coming up: one mature student calls it ‘Cannes in Cambridge’… and we’ll end with the forecast for deadlines and mental breakdowns in this week’s student weather.”
CUT TO “SPECIAL REPORT” PACKAGE (pre-recorded) Field reporter: “I’m standing here at ARU, where excitement is… manageable.” Quick B-roll of your existing storyboard ideas: Epic campus shots, Talking heads (“This is our Cannes”, “I paid for childcare”, “My comeback”), Prep montage, email misinterpretation, networking rehearsal. Voiceover by the reporter tying it together, as if it’s a serious news story.
FESTIVAL ARRIVAL & REALITY (within the package) Reporter voiceover: “Organisers insist this is a ‘major industry event’…” Cut to your lecture theatre reality: phones, pizza, awkward lecturer. Short “live” interview: reporter asking one of us (as filmmaker), “How does it feel to have this much buzz?” while behind, nothing exciting is happening.
AWARD & AFTERMATH (still in package) Show the tiny certificate moment as “breaking news”. Reporter sign-off: “Back to you in the studio, where the awards are bigger and the egos are smaller.”
BACK TO STUDIO Anchor reacts with deadpan line: “Powerful stuff. We wish them all the best as they prepare for their inevitable BAFTA snub.”
SPOOF WEATHER Weather map that’s actually ARU campus, but labelled with stress zones: “Heavy anxiety over the library, 100% chance of printer failure in the morning.” “Storm of overdue deadlines moving in by the end of term.” Weather presenter signs off: “Back to you in the studion. And remember: wherever you are, always carry an umbrella… and a USB backup.”
FINAL SIGN-OFF (Anchor) “That’s all from ARU Tonight. Join us next week when we ask: can a student survive on instant noodles and festival rejection alone? Goodnight.” I’ll ask the team what they think but I feel that this revision to the idea will help us to keep things simple and to focus on the project brief. I think that the chunks can be easily acted and are scriptable and will not require any of us to learn long speeches/lines, the field reports can be adapted from the original storyboard for ‘acting’ or voiceover. Also, from a technical point of view, it feels like we will be able to use the cinematic theme we talked about last week with one studio set and one field location (corridor/lecture room). Both lighting and sound can focus on clean sound in two environments (studio mic + location mic).
“ARU Tonight: Film Festival Fever” – News Rundown Storyboard (with content from original storyboard)
OPENING TITLES & HEADLINES (Studio) Visual: Simple title card “ARU Tonight” with short, dramatic sting. Anchor (XXXX): “Good evening, I’m XXXX. Tonight: red carpets, raw talent and room‑temperature pizza as ARU hosts its annual film festival – ‘The Night of Nights’.” “Coming up: festival fever at ARU, delusions of grandeur in a lecture room, and later, our student weather with a 100% chance of deadlines.”
ANCHOR INTRODUCES MAIN STORY (Studio) XXXX at newsdesk, clean news lighting. “Our top story tonight: four ARU filmmakers convinced that tonight’s screening could launch them into international stardom. Our correspondent XXXX is live on campus.”
FIELD INTRO – “LIVE” FROM ARU FESTIVAL (Corridor / near venue) XXXX as field reporter. “Thanks, XXXX. I’m standing outside what some are calling ‘Cannes in Cambridge’ – the ARU Film Festival. Behind me, excitement is building… very slowly.” Lower third: “XXXX – ARU Tonight Arts Correspondent.” XXXX: “Earlier today, we met the filmmakers hoping tonight will change everything.”
EPIC OPENING OF CAMPUS (Original beat, inside package) Slow, cinematic shots of ARU at dusk (buildings, corridors, students), dramatic music. On‑screen text: “ARU Film Festival – The Night of Nights.” Voiceover (XXXX): “Under the fading light of another term, four students prepare for what they believe is the biggest night of their careers.”
TALKING HEAD – “THIS IS OUR CANNES” (Original) XXXX in a beautifully lit interview setup. “This festival is basically our Cannes debut. If it goes well, who knows – Berlin, Venice, Chesterfield, Lowestoft, Cape Verdi, … the main campus.”
TALKING HEAD – “I PAID FOR CHILDCARE FOR THIS” (Original) Ivanusa in a warm, slightly chaotic background. “I’ve invested money in childcare so I can be here. This screening has to be worth it.”
TALKING HEAD – “MY COMEBACK” (Original) Nick in an overly dramatic, documentary-style setup. “People said I’d missed my chance. This short film is my long‑awaited artistic comeback… and possibly my legacy.”
OVER‑SERIOUS PREP MONTAGE (Original) Quick cuts: Colour grading on a laptop. Polishing a USB stick. Practicing acceptance speeches in a mirror. Checking outfits. Laying out a “red carpet” (actually a blanket) in a corridor. Voiceover (XXXX): “For these filmmakers, no detail is too small on the road to greatness.”
FESTIVAL EMAIL MISINTERPRETATION (Original) Split or quick cuts of each reading the same email aloud, exaggerating it: “International festival…” “Industry feedback…” “Career‑defining opportunity…” On‑screen: the actual plain wording (“End‑of‑module screening with informal feedback”). Voiceover: “A simple screening email is all it takes to spark full‑blown festival delusion.”
“PRESS” AND “NETWORKING” REHEARSAL (Original) The four mock‑interview each other as if for big media: “My visual language is… raw yet poetic.” “We’re already planning the festival run.” Someone asks, “So… how did you export?” Voiceover: “With fame surely imminent, it’s important to get the press narrative right.”
ARRIVAL AT THE VENUE (Original) Cinematic walk down a corridor towards a door, tense music. They open the door: a normal lecture room with harsh lighting, fold‑out chairs, a slightly frazzled lecturer, and a small crowd. (Cinema room?) Voiceover: “But behind every dream… is a reality lit by fluorescent tubes.”
REALITY CHECK CUTAWAYS (Original) Quick shots: People on their phones. Someone clearly only there for the free pizza. Projector menu screen. Lecturer: “We’ll just get through all the films and then there’s some feedback.” Voiceover: “Industry giants, it turns out, look a lot like bored students and a nervous HDMI cable.”
SCREENING TENSION (Original) The trio watching their own film play: intense close‑ups of faces, sweaty palms, glances at audience. Cut to an audience member yawning or whispering about something unrelated. Voiceover: “On screen, their masterpiece. Off screen, mixed reviews… and mixed attention spans.”
THE “AWARDS” MOMENT (Original) Lecturer announces a generic certificate or tiny trophy: “Outstanding Contribution to Media Night.” It’s handed to them slightly awkwardly. They accept it like an Oscar – over‑the‑top emotion and starting a long speech. Lecturer gently cuts them off: “Sorry, we do have more films to get through.”
PAINFUL NON Q&A (Original) They sit ready for a Q&A panel at the front. Lecturer: “Any questions for the filmmakers?” Long silence. Finally, someone: “What software did you edit on?” Voiceover: “Tough questions from the press pack.”
POST‑EVENT SPIN IN INTERVIEWS (Original) New talking heads: “I actually prefer intimate festivals.” “This is just the start; we don’t want to peak too early.” “True art isn’t about prizes… though the certificate will go on my wall.” Voiceover: “When reality disappoints, narrative fills the gap.”
FIELD SIGN‑OFF BACK TO STUDIO XXXX outside venue: “One small step for ARU, one giant leap in self‑confidence. From the ARU Film Festival, I’m XXXX for ARU Tonight. Back to you in the studio.”
ANCHOR (Studio) XXXX: “Moving scenes there from our very own red carpet – or at least a blanket in a corridor. We wish all the film makers luck as they prepare for their inevitable BAFTA snub.” “Now, from cinematic storms to actual ones, here’s our student weather.”
SPOOF, FUNNY WEATHER REPORT (New) XXXX as weather presenter, in front of a simple “map” of ARU. “Heavy showers of anxiety over the library, with a 90% chance of printer failure tomorrow.” “A storm of deadlines is moving in by the end of term, so remember: carry an umbrella and at least three USB backups.”
FINAL IRONIC IMAGE & SIGN‑OFF (Original + news format) Back to XXXX: “That’s all from ARU Tonight. Join us next time when we ask: can a student survive on instant noodles, group projects, and festival rejection alone? Goodnight.” Wide shot of the four walking away from campus, still talking grandly about their “careers,” as a cleaner wheels a bin across the “red carpet” blanket behind them. Fade out with dramatic music. This keeps all the content from the original storyboard, but plugs it into a news‑show structure (anchor – field report – package – weather – sign‑off). As a team we can decided who plays which role, whether we need anyone else for some bits as well as which bits are must‑shoot vs nice‑to‑have.
Monday Morning … Media Services agreed that we could use the Rus141 media room (subject to H&S training!) from 12:00 until 16:00. This means that we will either need to delay film until later in the day – and we have a Teams call with Liam (Tutor) at 14:00. From my many years of watching documentaries and sitting slumped in front of the the TV, I know that award winning professionals generally group their filming so that it is not in chronological order but based on location, time of day etc.
So, writing this while waiting for the rest of the team to arrive (I am compulsively early for everything), I decided to look at grouping our production schedule to maximise the benefits of the time we have together today for filming.
Filming Order 1. Studio / desk scenes (one setup) Do all “news desk” bits in one block, same lighting and sound.blog.celtx+1 Scene 1 Opening titles & anchor headlines. Scene 2 Anchor introduces main story (“Our top story tonight…”). Scene 18 Anchor reaction/button after the package. Scene 20 Final sign‑off (“That’s all from ARU Tonight…”). We could shoot this section after we have access to Rus 141 and the greenscreen ‘set’ etc. Followed by:
2. Weather segment (same or nearby setup) The ‘weather’ will be filmed in the same room (with just a different background, and we can shoot it right after the studio/desk section. Scene 19 Spoof weather report with ARU “map”. If we’re using the same key light and mic, this should be a quick set up. This morning – once we’re ready we could start filming the following sections:
3. Interview talking heads (in base room/other campus locations) Next, lets film all the talking head interviews for the filmmakers? Scene 5 “This is our Cannes.” Scene 6 “I paid for childcare for this.” Scene 7 “My comeback.” Scene 16 Post‑event spin interviews (you can shoot them now and make them act like it’s after, or do a second, simpler setup later). If possible, do pre‑festival interviews in one background, post‑event spin” in a slightly different background to show time has passed. Cinema room if we can get in?
4. Corridor / “red carpet” area In corridor or uni entrance area (the street?) to capture everything there in one go. Scene 3 Field intro (“live from ARU Film Festival”). Part of Scene 8 Cinematic walk toward venue door. Scene 8 Opening door from corridor into room. Scene 10 “Press and networking” rehearsal (mock interviews, business cards).
5. Campus exteriors Shoot all outdoor campus shots together. Scene 4 Epic opening of campus. Scene 20 Final wide shot of the four walking away with cleaner crossing the “red carpet”.
6. Base room / screening venue Do all base room scenes in one block. Scene 11 Arrival inside the venue, first impressions. Scene 12 Reality check cutaways (phones, pizza, projector menu, lecturer line). Scene 13 Screening tension (trio watching, audience reactions). Scene 14 Awards moment with lecturer and tiny trophy/certificate. Scene 15 Painful non‑Q&A. You can also grab any additional audience cutaways here.
7. Pickups and inserts Last, grab any missing close‑ups or inserts: Email close‑ups for Scene 9. Extra shots of hands-on keyboard, USB, posters, “map” graphics. Any reaction further shots we need. We could also turn this into our call sheet? Also ask any others from the course who are here today to take part if they can.
Revised Script and Visuals after 1st Day of Filming
17th March 2026 (Happy St Patrick’s Day to those who celebrate)
“ARU Tonight: Film Festival Fever” – News Rundown Storyboard (with content from original storyboard)
Revised Storyboard after First Filming Session Yesterday
17th March 2026
OPENING TITLES & HEADLINES (Studio)
Visual: Simple title card “ARU Tonight” with short, dramatic sting.
Anchor (Paige Turner and Jim Boom):
“Good evening, I’m Jim Boom and I’m Paige Turner. Tonight: red carpets, raw talent and room‑temperature pizza as ARU hosts its annual film festival – ‘The Night of Nights’.”
“Coming up: festival fever at ARU, delusions of grandeur in a lecture room, and later, our student weather with a 100% chance of deadlines.”
ANCHOR INTRODUCES MAIN STORY (Studio)
Jim/Paige at newsdesk, clean news lighting.
“Our top story tonight: four ARU filmmakers convinced that tonight’s screening could launch them into international stardom. Our correspondent Mike Holder is live on campus.”
FIELD INTRO – “LIVE” FROM ARU FESTIVAL (Corridor / near venue)
Mike Holder as field reporter.
“Thanks, Jim and Paige. I’m standing outside what some are calling ‘Cannes in Cambridge’ – the ARU Film Festival. Behind me, excitement is building… very slowly.”
Lower third: “Mike Holder – ARU Tonight International Celebrity Correspondent.”
Mike: “Earlier today, we met the filmmakers hoping tonight will change everything.”
EPIC OPENING OF CAMPUS (Original beat, inside package)
Slow, cinematic shots of ARU (buildings, corridors, students), dramatic music.
On‑screen text: “ARU Film Festival – The Night of Nights.”
Voiceover: “Under the fading light of another term, four students prepare for what they believe is the biggest night of their careers.”
TALKING HEAD – “THIS IS OUR CANNES” (Original)
Ben or Quinn
“This festival is basically our Cannes debut. If it goes well, who knows – Berlin, Venice, Edinburgh, Chesterfield, Lowestoft, Cape Verdi, … the ARU campus at East Road.”
TALKING HEAD – “I PAID FOR CHILDCARE FOR THIS” (Original)
Ivanusa in a warm, slightly chaotic background.
“I’ve invested money in childcare so I can be here. This screening has to be worth it.”
TALKING HEAD – “MY COMEBACK” (Original)
Nick in an overly dramatic, documentary-style setup.
“People said I’d missed my chance. This short film is my long‑awaited artistic comeback… and possibly my legacy.”
OVER‑SERIOUS PREP MONTAGE (Original)
Quick cuts:
Colour grading on a laptop.
Polishing a USB stick.
Practicing acceptance speeches in a mirror.
Checking outfits.
Laying out a “red carpet” (actually a blanket) in a corridor.
Voiceover : “For these filmmakers, no detail is too small on the road to greatness.”
FESTIVAL EMAIL MISINTERPRETATION (Original)
Spoof email copied below – joke university motto ‘Superbia ante casum venit’ (pride cometh before a fall)
Split or quick cuts of each reading the same email aloud, exaggerating it:
“International festival…”
“Industry feedback…”
“Career‑defining opportunity…”
From that, we can exaggerate: “We are pleased to invite you…” → “exclusive invitation.” “Selection of student films” → “curated programme.” “Big screen (projector)” → “cinematic premiere.”
Ben:“Dear Students, We are pleased to invite you to the end of module screening for Digital Media Production. This informal event is an opportunity to share your work with classmates and staff and to receive general feedback on your projects. Ben adds: an exclusive invitation to the film industry night of nights.
Iva: A selection of student films will be shown in Rus 137 on Thursday 31st April at 6:00pm. Iva adds: A career defining event from the cream of the industry.
Quinn:Please note that this is not a public film festival and no external industry guests are expected. Attendance is primarily for assessment purposes and to celebrate the completion of your module. Quinn adds: at last my work will sit amongst the Hollywood greats.
Nick:Light refreshments will be available. We look forward to seeing your work on the big screen (projector) and discussing it in an informal feedback session after the screening from Tom Pedallo-Tripp. Nick adds: Champagne and caviar at the premiere of a cinematic great.
On‑screen: the actual plain wording (“End‑of‑module screening with informal feedback”). Voiceover (Mike Holder): “A simple screening email is all it takes to spark full‑blown festival delusion.”
“PRESS” AND “NETWORKING” REHEARSAL (Original)
WE MAY NOT NEED THIS SCENE BUT I HAVE LEFT IT IN THE STORYBOARD AS I DON’T WANT TO CHANGE THE SCENE NUMBERS – INCORPORATE WITH SCENE 9.
The four mock‑interview each other as if for big media:
“My visual language is… raw yet poetic.”
“We’re already planning the festival run.”
Someone asks, “So… how did you export?”
Voiceover: “With fame surely imminent, it’s important to get the press narrative right.”
ARRIVAL AT THE VENUE (Cinema Room or Rus 137)
Cinematic walk down a corridor towards a door, tense music.
They open the door: a normal lecture room with harsh lighting, fold‑out chairs, a slightly frazzled lecturer, and a small crowd. (Cinema room?)
Voiceover: “But behind every dream… is a reality lit by fluorescent tubes.”
REALITY CHECK CUTAWAYS (Original)
Quick shots:
People on their phones.
Someone clearly only there for the free pizza.
Projector menu screen.
Lecturer: “We’ll just get through all the films and then there’s some feedback.”
Voiceover: “Industry giants, it turns out, look a lot like bored students and a nervous HDMI cable.”
SCREENING TENSION (Original)
Mock up of the four of us watching our own film play: intense close‑ups of faces, sweaty palms, glances at audience.
Cut to an audience member yawning or whispering about something unrelated.
Voiceover: “On screen, their masterpiece. Off screen, mixed reviews… and mixed attention spans.”
THE “AWARDS” MOMENT (Original)
Lecturer announces a generic certificate or tiny trophy: “Outstanding Contribution to Media Night.”
It’s handed to them slightly awkwardly.
They accept it like an Oscar – over‑the‑top emotion and starting a long speech.
Lecturer gently cuts them off: “Sorry, we do have more films to get through.”
PAINFUL NON Q&A (Original)
They sit ready for a Q&A panel at the front.
Lecturer: “Any questions for the filmmakers?”
Long silence.
Finally, someone: “What software did you edit on?”
Voiceover: “Tough questions from the press pack.”
POST‑EVENT SPIN IN INTERVIEWS (Original)
New talking heads:
Ben “I actually prefer intimate festivals.”
Iva “This is just the start; we don’t want to peak too early.”
Quinn “True art isn’t about prizes… though the certificate will go on my wall.”
Nick “You have to pity those who do not appreciate a work of genius”.
Voiceover: “In the Social Media age, when reality disappoints, narrative fills the gap.”
FIELD SIGN‑OFF BACK TO STUDIO
I think we can drop this scene
“One small step for ARU, one giant leap in self‑confidence. From the ARU Film Festival, I’m Mike Holder for ARU Tonight. Back to you in the studio.”
ANCHOR (Studio) filmed
Jim/Paige: “Moving scenes there from our very own red carpet – or at least a blanket in a corridor. We wish all the film makers luck as they prepare for their inevitable BAFTA snub.”
“Now, from cinematic storms to actual ones, here’s our student weather.”
SPOOF WEATHER REPORT (New)
Raynor Schein as weather presenter, in front of a simple “map” of ARU. (See below)
“Heavy showers of anxiety over the library, with a 90% chance of printer failure tomorrow.”
“A storm of deadlines is moving in by the end of term, so remember: carry an umbrella and at least three USB backups.”
Back to Jim/Paige: “That’s all from ARU Tonight. Join us next time when we ask: can a student survive on instant noodles, group projects, and festival rejection alone? Goodnight.”
Wide shot of the four walking away from campus, still talking grandly about their “careers,” as a cleaner wheels a bin across the “red carpet” blanket behind them.
Fade out with dramatic music.
Cast and Crew:
Paige Turner – Ivanusa
Jim Boom – Ben
Mike Holder – Nick
Quinn – Creative Director Iva – 1st AD Nick – Line Producer Ben – Sound Director
Filming Schedule
1. Studio / desk scenes (one setup)
Do all “news desk” bits in one block, same lighting and sound.blog.celtx+1 Scene 1 Opening titles & anchor headlines. Scene 2 Anchor introduces main story (“Our top story tonight…”). Scene 18 Anchor reaction/button after the package. Scene 20 Final sign‑off (“That’s all from ARU Tonight…”).
Filmed 17/03
2. Weather segment (same or nearby setup)
The ‘weather’ will be filmed in the same room (with just a different background, and we can shoot it right after the studio/desk section. Scene 19 Spoof weather report with ARU “map”. the following sections:
Need to cast Weather Presenter
3. Interview talking heads (in base room/other campus locations)
Next, lets film all the talking head interviews for the filmmakers? Scene 5 “This is our Cannes.” Scene 6 “I paid for childcare for this.” Scene 7 “My comeback.” Scene 16 Post‑event spin interviews
4. Corridor / “red carpet” area
In corridor or uni entrance area (the street?) to capture everything there in one go. Scene 3 Field intro (“live from ARU Film Festival”). Part of Scene 8 Cinematic walk toward venue door. Scene 8 Opening door from corridor into room.
5. Campus exteriors
Shoot all outdoor campus shots together. Scene 4 Epic opening of campus. Scene 20 Final wide shot of the four walking away with cleaner crossing the “red carpet”.
6. Base room / screening venue
Do all base room scenes in one block. Scene 11 Arrival inside the venue, first impressions. Scene 12 Reality check cutaways (phones, pizza, projector menu, lecturer line). Scene 13 Screening tension (trio watching, audience reactions). Scene 14 Awards moment with lecturer and tiny trophy/certificate. Scene 15 Painful non‑Q&A. You can also grab any additional audience cutaways here.
7. Pickups and inserts
Last, grab any missing close‑ups or inserts: Email close‑ups for Scene 9. Extra shots of hands-on keyboard, USB, posters, “map” graphics. Any reaction further shots we need.
Spoof email:
Subject: Media Production End of Module Screening
Dear Students,
We are pleased to invite you to the end‑of‑module screening for Digital Media Production.
This informal event is an opportunity to share your work with classmates and staff and to receive general feedback on your projects. A selection of student films will be shown in Rus 137 on Thursday 31st April at 6:00pm.
Please note that this is not a public film festival and no external industry guests are expected. Attendance is primarily for assessment purposes and to celebrate the completion of your module.
Light refreshments will be available.
We look forward to seeing your work on the big screen (projector) and discussing it in an informal feedback session after the screening.
Best regards,
Tom Pedallo-Tripp
Module Leaders, Digital Media Production Anglia Ruskin University
ARU Tonight Branding
I asked Google Gemini:
Prompt: Create a cohesive visual branding pack for a fictional TV news special called “ARU Tonight – Film Festival Fever.” Design everything in the style of a modern ITV regional news programme, mixed with the Anglia Ruskin University (ARU) brand and the glamour of The Oscars.Include:A main programme logo: “ARU Tonight” as the main title, with “Film Festival Fever” as a subtitle. Use clean, contemporary TV news typography, bold but friendly, similar in feel to ITV regional news branding. Incorporate colours and motifs reminiscent of Anglia Ruskin University (navy/dark blue, gold accents, simple shield / crest‑inspired shapes), without directly copying their logo.A studio backdrop for the news anchor desk: widescreen background that looks like a regional news set. Include abstract shapes suggesting ARU campus buildings and Cambridge skyline, plus subtle red carpet / spotlight motifs. The overall look should be polished broadcast TV style, with gradients, light flares, and glassy panels.A “Film Festival Fever” segment graphic: overlay graphic or full‑screen panel that can introduce the segment. Use film strip, clapperboard, spotlight imagery, and a hint of golden awards‑show glam (subtle glitter, light beams), while still feeling like part of a serious news show.Lower‑third graphics: name straps for presenters and guests. Design a bar that can show “Name” and “Title” (e.g. “Mike Holder – International Celebrity Correspondent ”, “Paige Turner and Jim Boom – Newscasters”). Style them like UK TV news lower thirds: flat or slightly 3D bars, left‑aligned text, small ARU Tonight logo at one end.On‑set signage and posters: simple rectangular signs and posters that could be printed and stuck up on a wall or podium. Text examples: “ARU Tonight”, “Film Festival Fever”, “Live from ARU Film Festival”. Keep the visual language consistent with the main logo and backdrop.A red carpet / awards show variant of the backdrop: same ARU Tonight branding, but with more pronounced Oscars‑style glamour – deep navy or midnight blue background, gold light beams, bokeh lights, and a stylised red carpet element; still compatible with a TV news aesthetic rather than full fantasy.Style and mood:Overall feel: credible UK regional TV news (like ITV regional news) but with an added film‑festival red‑carpet twist.Use clean vector shapes, broadcast‑friendly colour palettes, and layouts that would work in 16:9 HD video.Avoid copying any real logos. Instead, echo ARU’s spirit with academic / crest‑like shapes, navy and gold tones, and subtle references to university life.Provide several variations for the main logo and backdrop so we can choose between more “serious news” and more “Oscars glamour” versions.
And for the weather section:
Prompt: Based on this branding please create a scene for a weather presenter called Raynor Schein in front of a simple map of the ARU Campus at East Road Cambridge. The map should have a heavy showers motif above an image of a cartoon library and dark clouds above a printer and a storm motif over a ringed calendar and a cartoon of an umbrella and three USB sticks.
In Rus 141
Script on Screen – As close to a teleprompter as we could get
A glamorous film star waits for some action.
Paige Turner and Jim Boom relaxing in the ARU Tonight Studio
Quinn’s Creative Director career takes another step up the ladder of success.
